


Say My Name

by paradossodimenta



Series: Being an Idol is Hard. Being in Love is Harder. [9]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Bittersweet, Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, hand holding, happy birthday himeru, my headcanons regarding og himeru, tfw i just tag everything to cover all my bases tbh, tried to keep things vague on og himeru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradossodimenta/pseuds/paradossodimenta
Summary: HiMERU decides he needs to step out of his birthday party for a bit to get some air. Tatsumi finds him and decides to stay with him until he's ready to return.Spoiler alert: They don't go back to the party.
Relationships: HiMERU/Kazehaya Tatsumi, kazehaya tatsumi/toujou kaname, toujou kaname/kazehaya tatsumi
Series: Being an Idol is Hard. Being in Love is Harder. [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787788
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Say My Name

**Author's Note:**

> Did I just write two fics in a day, yes yes I did. I wanted to make something for merumeru and I had to make something for sora's belated birthday first lol. I also have two other fics drafted and im writing more cause Im feral. Outside of birthdays I think I'll try to stick to a once a week fic posting while I still have the inspiration to write a lot. 
> 
> Enjoy the tatsumeru soft angst

Disgruntled. That’s how the ‘birthday boy’ looked. It was amusing. He seemed more like a disgruntled child, pouting at not getting things the way he had envisioned, instead of the mature and mysterious idol that everyone thought he was. It made Tatsumi smile despite himself, HiMERU was painfully adorable without even trying. 

“Was the party that bad?” the religious man asked. He was laid back on the grass underneath a large oak tree. One arm was propped under his head to act as a pillow while his other hand absentmindedly played with the hem of HiMERU’s shirt. 

The pastel blue idol offered a hmph in reply. He was sitting up, next to Tatsumi with one leg pulled up to his chest and the other laid out in front of him. They were still on ES property so it was okay for them to be relaxed. The public wasn’t allowed in this little garden area and they were in deep enough that there would be no random passersby from either of their units or anyone else. It was just them and it was making ‘HiMERU’ slowly relax. 

“Hi--I,” the young man had been about to use his typical way of speaking before remembering where he was and who he was talking to. Kazehaya Tatsumi, smiling gently up at him. “I,” he began again and Tatsumi noticed the difference but said nothing. “I enjoyed the party but I couldn’t help but think that HiMERU would have enjoyed the party more.” 

That explained his sore mood. Tatsumi continued to play with the hem, rubbing the fabric between his thumb and forefinger. “Do you feel guilty?”

“Maybe.” The response was short and Tatsumi knew he wasn’t going to get anything else out of the man with that line of questions. Instead he sat up, laying a hand on the idol’s back. “I feel like HiMERU should be the one celebrating, not me. I don’t feel any need to celebrate. I don’t understand why everyone is fussing over me. I wonder if it is ‘me’ they care for or ‘HiMERU’.” He finished before turning to look at Tatsumi, his cheek resting on his knee. 

Tatsumi hummed thoughtfully before brushing some of those blue locks away from HiMERU’s face. “I think that Crazy:B and everyone else loves you for you. You are the only HiMERU that they know. Would you blame them for loving the you that is HiMERU? Or do you think that when the other HiMERU returns that somehow he’ll replace you entirely. That you’ll be not but a memory and he’ll take your place like a bodysnatcher?” 

The young man was quiet for a while, thinking over what Tatsumi said. He wanted to give an honest answer. This was the sort of discussion he could only have with Kazehaya Tatsumi and in a way he was grateful for being forced to have this kind of introspective though he’d never vocalize it. It was better to let Tatsumi think he disdained him, though the hand resting on his back was a comfort more than he could express. 

“I don’t blame them. I blame myself.” he finally spoke, offering a sigh and looking back out over the garden. “If I am not HiMERU, if my brother returns, what will that make me? Will I lose everything? It….I….” he was struggling to find the right words and it was making him annoyed. He enjoyed his easy use of language to say exactly what he meant. HiMERU was always cool and calm and composed above all else. Tatsumi had this way of making him unravel. It didn’t matter if it was anger or anguish the emotions slipped out one way or another and cracked his stone face. His face twisted in a mix of grief and anger. “My brother is the one supposed to be in the spotlight, not me. I’m just his placeholder and I knew that. I knew that when I agreed to this. To keep HiMERU alive, to be the good brother. I tried to keep everyone at arm’s length. I tried not to care, but...but if my brother comes back he’ll become HiMERU and I’ll be no one and nothing and I hate this ugly selfish part of me that wants him to stay gone forever. I’m the worst kind of person.” 

His voice was raw with emotion and he turned his face away from Tatsumi while he spoke. Even without seeing his beautiful face Tatsumi knew that he was crying. He could feel the tensions of his muscles and the way he trembled lightly. Ah, he had miscalculated. Now it was Tatsumi who was filled with guilt and sorrow. He had not meant to have his line of questions cause such a dramatic reaction. It was the poor man’s birthday and he had made him cry. 

Tatsumi was quick to wrap his arms around the man, face pressed into powder blue hair and rubbing his back soothingly. “You are Toujou Kaname. You are a good brother. You are a beautiful person with a gentle soul and a loving heart. You care about those close to you. You have a melodic singing voice. You like making deductions on other people even when you can’t understand yourself. You are who you are and many people love that. Many people love you,” a pause and then. “Including me.” 

Kaname didn’t react at first to Tatsumi holding him and trying to soothe him. He felt stupid for crying so openly in font of someone like Tatsumi. He would have felt foolish crying in front of anyone. The worst part was how Tatsumi was actually doing a good job of making him feel relaxed and feel a little better. It wasn’t enough to completely rid him of the feelings of guilt that he carried. He was sure he’d have to have an open and honest discussion with his brother about that before he could move past that. What did peak his interest was...the love confession?

Turning his head so that golden eyes could search amethyst ones to figure out if this was some kind of strange joke or if the man was just trying to say anything to make him feel better. When he could no malice or mischievous he sputtered, cheeks that were already flushed from crying grew redder with Tatsumi’s implications. “Did you really just offer me a love confession?!” his voice was strangled and he grabbed onto Tatsumi’s shirt with both hands as if he wanted to shake some sense into him and even managed to shake him back and forth a little before Tatsumi placed his hands on Kaname’s. 

“Apologizes for the inopportune moment.” Tatsumi expressed sincerely, softly squeezing Kaname’s hands until he released the man’s shirt which resulted in the two of them holding hands. The action made Kaname more flustered while Tatsumi just smiled all the more happily. “I just couldn’t sit back and watch you bash on yourself without letting you know how much you’re loved. It isn’t HiMERU that the party was thrown for, it was for you, Kaname.” 

Kaname had gone so long trying to bury his name. It was important that no one know it and those that did, the accursed Itsuki Shu and his stupid puppet Kagehira Mika, were staunch enemies. Hearing Tatsumi say it though made it feel like he was coming home. Like he was safe and could relax away from all the harshness of the world. “And what about you? How do you feel about Toujou Kaname?” he asked, using the third person as a means to protect himself in case Tatsumi changed his mind. If he acted like Kaname was something other than himself than it wouldn’t hurt when Tatsumi cleared up the misunderstanding and explained that he only loved him in a platonic manner. 

Instead Tatsumi smiled at him as if he was missing something very obvious and Kaname gasped, startled and embarrassed when the strange idol started to place soft kisses to each one of his knuckles and didn’t look back up at him until he kissed both hands. Kaname was blushing deeply now, all the way to his ears. His drying tears leaving salty marks on his cheeks and his eyes were red and puffy but even then Tatsumi thought he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. 

“I love Toujou Kaname. I love him romantically in the way two adults might before they plan their lives together. I love the way he works hard. I love the way he cares for others. I love the way he concerns himself so intensely on if he’s doing the right thing and being a good person or not. I lov--”

Before Tatsumi could be allowed to continue his embarrassing spiel Kaname closed the distance between them crashing his lips unceremoniously onto the idol’s. Kaname didn’t even give Tatsumi time to register this action or react before he was pulling back again, frowning at him. “Stop being stupid, I’m not all that great.” 

Tatsumi laughed before laying a kiss on his head. “Hmm you’re right, you’re even greater than I ever imagined.” his praise seemed to annoy the man more because he tried to tug his hands away but Tatsumi held tight, laying back down and pulling the birthday boy down with him. With Kaname leaning over him like this Tatsumi released one hand so he could faintly brush away at the tear remnants. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I vow to do better in the future to only make you smile.” 

“The future?” Kaname asked incredulously. “I never accepted your love confession.” he reminded the priest but only got a laugh in response. 

“Didn’t you though?” he asked and his smile was so warm and inviting that Kaname decided that it would be okay to let himself indulge a bit, it was his birthday after all. He leaned down, laying another kiss on Tatsumi’s lips and remaining this time for the man to respond in kind, kissing him back. The hand that had been brushing away tears now laying flush on one of those warm cheeks deepening the kiss and staying in this single moment before they parted. Tatsumi laughed breathlessly, “So unless you kiss all your friends like this I think I’m correct in assuming my confession was accepted?” 

“Maybe.” was the noncommittal answer he got back before Kaname laid down all the way, his head resting on Tatsumi’s chest, letting out a sigh as the other started to brush his fingers through his shoulder length hair. “Say my name.” 

“Kaname.” the reply was soft and sweet and it made said man’s heart clench. It wasn’t love he tried to tell himself. It was something though. Something inside of him that felt at peace when tatsumi said his name. “Kaname,” Tatsumi said it again and this time Kaname looked back up at him lifting his head from his chest to see sparkling purple eyes gazing at him like he really might be worth all this hype. “I love you, Kaname.”

“Mmm,” Kaname pressed his lips together before sighing and trying to somehow press his body closer, tighter, to Tatsumi’s. Legs tangled together, chest pressed, faces close so that they could feel each other’s breathing. If questioned Kaname would be quick to say it was just because he was touch starved and had nothing to do with his deep seated desire to feel physical contact as one human and another human. “I accept your confession.” he finally said and it earned him another kiss, this time when they parted Kaname pressed his face into Tatsumi’s neck and Tatsumi held him close. 

“Happy birthday, Kaname.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as just fluff and then the more I wrote the harder it got and then Himeru/Kaname started crying and I just asdfghjkl. We still don't know much about OG HiMERU and Kaname outside of HiMERU so I did my best to leave it vague so maybe this will age well lol but we'll see.  
> Happy Birthday Merumeru i love you so much and want the best for you <3 <3 <3


End file.
